| ZADNJIC SKUPAJ SE VES CAS RAZHAJALI | THE LAST SEPARATION |
| Ifigenija Simonovič | trans. Anthony Rudolf & the poet |
V parku. Pred odhodom. Prezgodaj še. Zaprla oci. Ona tudi. Rekli sva si vse. Predvsem kar nisva želeli. Pa morali. Nekaj dni prepiranja in prepiranja. Koncno cisti obcutek. Nenadoma nisem vec slišala njenega dihanja. Zacutila, da je odšla. Me pustila? Kar tako? Rahlo prizadeta. Brez poslavljanja? Ni potrebno. Rekli sva si prevec. Vse po veckrat. Vrtali sva po sebi druga v drugo. Brez odpušcanja. Zidali steno brez line. Visoko. Se odrivali. Zatrli poskuse zbližanja. Odrinili se iz dosega rok. Kot da je bil namen srecanja ugonobiti prijateljstvo - ali sva res kdaj bili? Po vec dneh prepiranja in prepiranja. Prazen obcutek. Vrne se. Delam se, da spim. Tudi res. Utrujena. Odšla je. Pa ne popolnoma. Vrne se. Ne zdrži v zadnji potezi. Ne skrbi me. Pri sebi imam potni list in denar. Ves cas vem, da lahko vsak hip odidem. Ona mora ostati, kjer je. Žal mi je. Po vec dneh prepiranja in prepiranja. Nor obcutek. Lažje zame. Poslovim se miže, medtem ko ona odhaja in se vraca in se muci. Takoj ko sem prišla, sem vedela, da se ne bova vec videli. Ona šele zdaj. Prvi objem tog. Zaverovani vsaka v svoj prav. Boli gledati v oci. Nasvidenje zdaj laž. Ne želim se ozreti. Po vec dneh prepiranja in prepiranja. Rada bi pozabila obcutek. | In the park. It's still too early. I close my eyes. She closes hers. We have said it all. Especially what we did not want to say. But had to. After days and days of arguing. Feels clear. Suddenly I cannot hear her breathing. I sense she's gone. Left me? Just like that? Quite hurt. But no goodbye? None needed. We had said too much. Gone over everything several times. We drilled into each other. No forgiveness. We built a wall high, without an opening. We pushed each other away. Blocked all attempts at getting close. We pushed each other out of reach. As if we wanted to kill the friendship. Did we really have one? After days and days of arguing. Feels empty. She comes back. I pretend I'm still asleep. I am still tired. She goes away again. But not for good. She's back again. She cannot make the last move. I'm not worried. I have my passport and I have my money. I know that I can leave at any time. She has to stay where she is. I am sorry. After days and days of arguing. Feels mad. It's easier for me. I say goodbye with my eyes closed, while she keeps leaving and coming back. She's torturing herself. As soon as I had come, I knew we would not see each other any more. It took her longer. Our first hug was stiff. Words stuck in the throat. Eye contact hurt. Goodbye to lies. I don't want to look back. After days and days of arguing all I want is to forget the feeling. |
Copyright © Ifigenija Simonovi
1996; Trans. Copyright © Ifigenija Simovi & Anthony Rudolf 1996 - publ. Menard Press
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